Look, if there’s one word I’d really love people to never use around me it would be “holidays.” This is from all the bad experiences I’ve had with this word being used around me.

It first began when I got sick. I was working full-time and then some! I would do over-time until 8 or 9pm and then I’d work weekends as well. The times I had off I’d be on-call for a lot of it too. Anyway, the point is that full-time had the benefits I needed to get me through my contract – sick leave and holiday pay. I ended up exhausting all of my sick leave quickly. My manager then told me to start taking holiday pay. I was lucky in that we had a great system where you could choose what you wanted to do, which type of leave you wanted to take, or go on pay without leave.

My manager was the sweetest human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. She used to tell me to claim leave but then work “over-time” so I’d get the double pay for those hours of over-time. The whole time I was working, my finances were never affected. I’d even get down to pay without leave but the “over-time” would top it up and it would be my normal pay anyway. This saved me the stress of financial bullshit at a time where I could not even come to terms with what was happening to my health.

My work contract was super memorable for reasons only chronically ill people will understand – I spent just as much time working as I did logging absent hours. Every time you were away you’d then have to come in the next day and log your absent hours in a system in order to get paid for them accordingly. This became my life.

Little did I consider!!! When my contract ended everyone got paid out thousands of dollars of holiday pay. I got 0. While I was forever grateful that my pay never came in to my decisions while I was sick, and I could rest when I needed to FUCK it was hard ending a contract, having no job to go in to and being BROKE AF.

My mum ended up having to give me 3k to tie me over until I started receiving cenny benefits (thanks Mum, thanks Australia).

So then I had to come to terms with the fact that I’d never have another stable job ever again because, at best, I could only ever commit to super casual jobs. No holiday pay ever again. No money to actually go on a holiday if I ever wanted to again!

But here’s where my holiday began, according to every human with a CUNTY soul ever! “Oh it’s the weekend, what are you up to? Oh wait!!! Everyday is the weekend to you!!!” (ensue laughter as if it’s the most hilarious joke ever told). I swear my housemate at the time, who’d live with me and been super close to me since before I was sick, just thought I laid in bed all day sipping cocktails! I’m not even fucking kidding. The amount of shit she’d ask me to do!!! We lost our closeness soon after I got sick but she’d text me like “hi can you email the real estate this and can you do that.” I fucking swear I was the household personal assistant to her because I just had sooooo much free time to do admin!

Then came the ultimate burn from Malcolm when we started living together. Every now and then he’ll allude to the fact that I “don’t do anything” because I don’t work. This will be in times when he’s really stressed and the house is messy as shit and everything in our life is stressful. He’ll always stop himself before he finishes the sentence BUT I JUST FUCKING KNOW. I know he’s going to say that. Then goes the “OH WHAT? YOU THINK I JUST SIT AROUND ON HOLIDAY ALL DAY? YOU DON’T SEE ALL THE SHIT I DO, ALL THE PAIN I’M IN. I’D DO ANYTHING TO WORK MY ASS OFF ALL DAY AT WORK!!” Just the typical, ya know.

And then today we were out in the field playing ball and roasting each other. I was joking around saying that he’s had like three weeks of holidays this year. He was like nah m8 it’s about 1 if you take out the weekends etcetc. I was like nah it’s like 2 out of 4 so you’re doing pretty well, shut the fuck up. He then tells me that you get 5 weeks of paid holidays and goes “yeh but I guess you’d never know because you’ve never worked full time” and smiles like the smart ass he is.

Nah, that’s it, I’m done. I’m banning the word holiday. It only ever makes me defensive as fuck. And guess what??? This time last year I was in Ubud, dining at organic vegan cafes, reading by the pool. I’ve been determined to give myself an oversea’s holiday, albeit cheap asia fare, every year since I turned “””adult”””. But this year? I haven’t worked and I haven’t the energy. I actually feel like I wouldn’t deserve it anyway. After all, everyday is a holiday, right???


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