I’ve been relatively quiet on social media as of late. I do not know why that is. Usually it means I’m in a chronic fatigue slump but tbh I’m feeling pretty good. I’m just taking some quiet time to do me and think about me. I haven’t really been doing cool and relevant things as I’ve been dealing with the ramifications of being an adult aka responsibilities.
I’ve started my latest job which is pretty fucking exciting because the place is ammmmazzzing and working there makes me smile (ew capitalism makes me smile, righto) but maybe I smile because I only work three hours a week!!!! I was sooo nervous for my first day just because I was anxious about my roster. Let me tell you… when you start a job the last thing you want to confess is that you have an incurable illness that fucks you over every step of the way. You act energetic, youthful and glowing when lowkey ya dying inside (and probably not just figuratively). But I got my roster and everyone only gets three hours a week HAHAHA SCORE! I remember when that realisation would have been the end of my life as I knew it. I’d be so anxious worrying about finding another job to pay the bills and all my unnecessary life expenses like new clothes and alcohol. The great thing about being mostly unable to leave the house is that you never spend money. SCORE.
Another thing I’ve been doing is working my Friday job! It’s with an international company based in the UK. The problem being that I have to log and claim for my hours. With fatigue I either forget or I’m too tired to ever care about it. I’ve recently been motivated to sort out my life admin when I checked my bank and saw I only had $11. Pray that I make it until I finally get paid please! Another annoying part of this job is that it requires sending parcels all.the.fucking.time. So thinking about being alive enough to send a parcel takes up most of my life. And then actually sending a parcel is another 10%. I fucking hate admin so this is the most annoying thing ever especially when tired.
Lastly, I’ve been developing my pet sitting business. FUCK, you must be thinking I’m making serious bank right now but I wish that was the case! I’ve been pet sitting for a year now and it’s seriously the most happiest time of my life. I just get to meet new dogs and love them and get the added bonus of getting paid to do it. I currently visit two sausage dogs a couple of times a week and then have the occasional extra business of someone else. This is all without marking so I’m pretty happy with it at the moment. The regular business is actually what drove me to think about marketing and actually starting to take this a bit more serious. I’m even delegating a dog visit to my mum this week and paying her (because I’ll be at work). I’ve made it! I’m also staying at the sausage dogs house this weekend which will be super sweet because I love the puppies soooo much and they live in the rich as hell part of town and have an amazing house. Oh the perks!
Healthy habits I’ve been keeping
- drinking 2+ litres of water a day
- drinking coffee after 10am (thank me later adrenals)
- stretching/mild yoga about three times a week (I can almost touch my toes!)
- trying not to nag Malcolm about The Thing That Annoys Me About Him and letting him take responsibilities for the consequences when he FUCKS UP. This is actually working amazingly well. When I just tell him to do the right thing, he’ll do it and never learn. But when I let him fuck up and get in trouble at work (I sound like a devil) he learns immediately and has some big life lesson to share with me. Fuck boys are dumb.
- trying not to nap. This may seem counter-productive but I actually feel like it’s serving me well. I do hope to lead a normal life so this is a great start!
- hanging out with my baby sisters which makes me feel 100 years old but at least they can give me the elixir of life or something and I feel more youthful around them and shit
I’ve decided I’m probably going to finally see a rheumatologist. I never felt it necessary because it’s expensive and CFS is beyond being helped for but now I’m experiencing so many Fibro symptoms that I’m actually getting worried. Again, I considered not going because expensive and it cannot be helped but Malcolm said I should go just to confirm/deny my suspicions. Also, he said it might help with the whole basically-unable-to-work-need-cenny thing. Because he reckons Fibro is more legit and I might be able to get disability (oh the joys of living with a normie who doesn’t understand centrelink benefits ahah! But I do need to go because I’m in so much pain as of late that it’s becoming a problem.
Another problem that has just arisen is that Malcolm’s mum has shingles! I know nothing about shingles because when I heard it was VIRAL I just wanted to hide forever. He kind of needs to visit her ASAP and it’s a personal family thing so of course I am understanding and would never try to sway his decision in favour of not going. But how strange is life with an illness!!!!! Like my first thought was my safety. As in…. if I got shingles I’d probably fucking die. I’m not even kidding. The fact that I’m not even being dramatic is scary. So then my mind instantly flicks to isolation/living with my family while he might still be contagious/missing Malc/missing Bindi/feeling so dramatic and selfish etc. I cannot believe I’ve become one of those people who cannot go within 100km of another sick person. I’m 23 ffs. This shouldn’t be my reality. I even realised that after I went to my induction for work I had a sore throat and had that “getting sick” feeling that has only just now disappeared. Leaving the house shouldn’t be this big of a drama.
Anyway, my sunflowers are blooming. I have heaps of hours in the day now that I’m not napping and abusing caffeine, I’m still getting weekly acupuncture, I make a lot of money for how little hours I work, I get to kiss Malcolm tonight when he gets home from a weekend away. EVERYTHING IS GOOD.
I was thinking though…. you know when religious and/or older people are like ahhhh be grateful you have your health. And your immediate first thought is FUCK OFF SUSAN. Well……………………………………………………….. yeh. Now that I actually spend 22 hours out of the day thinking about my health/trying new experimental things to get better/avoiding infected humans/being cranky because I’m tired/being unable to get up because I always have dead legs and lack of memory I’m like YEH BLESS UP SUSAN, should have been grateful when I had health. Of course, I’m soooo fucking blessed I have the health that I do. I’m grateful for that. But if you are like the token healthy white girl pllllleeeeeassseeee just use this moment to consider your health and thank your body for working it’s hardest to keep you in tip top shape. We owe our bodies so much gratitude so hug your insides for me x